Having a new baby is huge! It’s one of the biggest life changes a person or couple can go through.
While babies bring joy and love, they’re also completely helpless little people and can be completely all encompassing.
When people in your life have a new baby the common response is to:
send flowers
send a tiny impractical baby outfit
ask to come hold their brand new baby when they’re just a few days postpartum and overstay
ask a million about how baby is doing
ask invasive questions about how the birth went and how “banged up” mom is
As a company who spends thousands of hours with new families I can promise none of this is helpful.
So what is helpful you ask?? It honestly depending on your relationship with the new parent(s) here are some suggestions of things that are helpful ranging from minimal effort on your end to really involved for those families you’re extra close too!
Things you can do from a far
Send gift cards for: coffee, Uber Eats, for grocery delivery, to amazon, to local healthy delivery restaurant.
Offer to pay for household help: dog walker, cleaning company or newborn care (hint hint we can help with this!)
Ask how the new parents are feeling; not is baby “a good baby???” Not “oh are you nursing??” Not “how is baby sleeping”. Instead ask “how are you doing?” And then validate without diminishing “You’re allowed to be exhausted, new babies are hard!!” “It’s okay to feel like every day is hard, it is!”, “it’s okay to still feel rundown, birth is really hard on the body for months.”
Things you can do in person for people you’re moderately close to
Ask to drop off breakfast and coffee after partner/family have left. Depending on moms personality offer to hold baby while she eats that warm breakfast and maybe even takes a shower.
Ask what their food restrictions are and drop off a snack bag; this is easy to eat, semi healthy things like trail mix, nut butter pouches, protein shakes, good canned coffee, a nice water bottle, muffins, fruit leather, bananas, apples, fruit/nut bars, cheese sticks.
Ask food preferences and drop off meals that are easy to reheat when it’s convenient. If possible drop off two, one for now and one ready to freeze and again if you’re close enough offer to hold baby while the parent(s) get to eat a warm meal with a babe in their arms.
Things you can do for those you’re very close to:
Ask if you can come for a set period of time, preferable around a meal time. Be on time, show up with a meal for them to eat and hold baby while they eat. Over the next few hours offer to care for baby while they shower, nap, get out for some fresh air.
If they’re a family who isn’t ready to hand baby over yet offer to do baby laundry, walk their dog, load and unload the dishwasher, make any calls for them, run errands, help manage lawn care, manage their mail, unload groceries, run the vacuum, sit and chat for company as tolerated.
If they have other children at home offer to 1. Entertain the older kids at your home and bring them back fed, 2. Offer to care for them at their home, 3. Offer to care for baby so big sibling can get some one on one parent time.
Other important reminders
Keep asking how they’re doing, the first few weeks are incredibly draining, but it rarely is magically easy by 6 weeks.
Keep offering in person help! Some people will take you up on it ASAP, others need more time.
Encourage and validate the needs for alone time as self care, that being touched out is super real!
If they don’t respond or a text or call DO reach out again in a day or so, DON’T take it personally and especially DON’T ask them if they’re ignoring you.
If they sound concerned about their own mental health DO NOT brush it off as tiredness or “life change”. Instead encourage them to reach out to their OB/midwife/therapist/partner.
If you’re concerned about their mental health let them know. In a caring non-judgey way you can ask “are you feeling okay? I’m a little worried about x,y,z and want you to know I’m here for you.”